mamapants

* I should note here that his girlfriend is a) his own age, a pleasant change considering the last girl he dated was MY own age, and b) remarkably tolerant of his midlife crisis. He gets a huge kick out of the naked lady plane, something that really surprises me since I always thought he was somewhat classier than that; she, meanwhile, just rolls her eyes and says "Oh, Dick, you goofball," and reads Vogue or perhaps Us Weekly. I would love her, but she's thinner than me and dresses way WAY better, so I'm taking out a hit on her later. Back to my dad and the hat.

Unfortunately, the three of them went out in town, which never really works because there are exactly three places to go. The three of them ended up at the Key West Shrimp House, a seafood restaurant that's been in town since my mom was drinking on a fake ID. Apparently, at the Shrimp House, the thing to do is to have your picture taken on your birthday wearing the lobster hat. My dad's done this before; however, it seems that the lobster hat has been seriously upgraded. It used to be a blue trucker's hat with a plastic lobster glued to the top... and now, you can see that it is in fact a lobster that also happens to be a hat. The glory! The wonder! The beady black plastic eyes!

Dad, wherever you are right now, happy birthday. And mind the claws.