Hometown pride

It's Sunday night, the night of quality Desperate Extreme television, as Rob calls it, and we've just finished watching Dateline... on which they profiled the Wal-Mart in my hometown. This profiling, it wasn't because the Wal-Mart is a top seller, or a great place for moms to work, or anything like that - it was because the Wal-Mart is apparently overrun with birds and they poop on the deli meat.

Birds! Pooping! In the deli! You wonder why I sometimes claim to be originally from Baltimore.

Wal-Mart in Madison isn't a totally bad place, and I hate the fact that millions of Americans are going to think it's a scary, bird-filled stinkhole. It's the largest grocery store, and the only place in town where one can buy lacy panties, a box of doughnuts, a trampoline, and a rifle at the same time. You think you know fun, but BOY HOWDY are you wrong.

Granted, it has its share of weirdness, namely that every time I go in there I run into my aunt and uncle, neither of whom I ever see at any other time. Seriously. I have a very large family on my dad's side - insert date to the family reunion joke here - and we just don't get together all that much. Wal-Mart, in all its bird-filled glory, makes a great meeting place, because when I get tired of small talking, I can always claim that I have to run away to the seafood counter and pick up steamed lobsters or a prescription or those panties. God bless those panties and their distractive qualities.

See? Wal-Mart has lots of good attributes. It's not all bad. Just remember not to buy the oven-roasted turkey. EVER.

PS - To the one person I still like in Madison: you tell your husband to make sure he closes his lunch box after breaks. :)


  1. We heard a lot about the Dateline episode, but were sadly watching AFV while it was on! You know, a couple of years ago they put some plastic owls up in the rafters of the store--that should have tipped people off (am I the only one who ever looks up?).

  2. I wouldn't feel too bad, Annie. After last month's issue of Marie Claire, people probably think that the town I grew up in is still holding KKK rallies. Okay, it's in GA but Cobb County is too yankee-fied for that stuff. Wanna trade?

  3. A-kins, my home town averages more than one murder a day. Trade ya' for them birds..... Li