mamapants

1. If one's husband walks up to one at 9:30 a.m. and says "Hey, you know what let's do, let's go to the aquarium at Pine Knolls! It's only three hours away!" should one assume husband is insane and completely ignore that suggestion?

2. If a car travels at 74 miles per hour and is traveling 173 miles, and encounters 425 red lights along the way because one's husband is a terrible mapper and takes one on a local road the entire way, and then one arrives at the aquarium to discover that the only available parking is a literal mile away, should one then beat husband to death with his own shoe? And if so, what time will we actually be eating lunch?

3. After leaving the aquarium and its piss-poor excuse for a cafe, should one go to the beach dressed in long, somewhat tight jeans? If yes, please explain the logic behind one's decision to roll jeans up only about three inches and then take a wriggling, kicking baby into the waves. (Bonus points if you can name all the swear words used when a large wave caught me in the ass.)

4. Using a diagram, find all the ways that a scenario involving wet jeans removal, riding home pantsless, and hanging said jeans out the window on the interstate to dry could possibly go wrong.

(Fortunately we didn't lose them, but a trucker has now seen my undies.)

What'd you do this weekend?

Posted in: on 6/12/2006 at at 9:38 AM