Things to ponder...

...while your baby throws up in the sink, thus making this less the Lord's Day and more Mr. Clean's Day.

Why do rolls of paper towels have warning labels that threaten baby suffocation? What dumbass is going to sit there and watch the baby roll itself up tight enough in paper towels to actually suffocate? Can you imagine how tightly the baby would have to be rolled? Jesus.

If I spray the countertops with this cleaner, and it disinfects them, can I also spray my boobs with it? Because they are coated in baby barf, and I haven't felt this dirty since the SAE Foam Party of 1999.

The Shirley Temple marathon is on AMC today, and I missed the entire first half of Curly Top because I was cleaning the aforementioned boobs and also holding a sobbing Nonos. Can I just watch the first half of Bright Eyes, and assume that the story will essentially fill itself in (plucky orphan, crusty old codger, etc. etc.)?

What exactly was the Easter Bunny thinking when he dropped off a chocolate rabbit, several plastic eggs worth of Mardi Gras necklaces (that's my girl, with the jewelry-loving) and what might possibly be the most horrific vomiting spell I've ever seen?

Happy Easter, indeed. Hope yours is better.


  1. ...Unfortunately no. My kid was sharing the contents of his stomach with me too. And grilled cheese does not smell as tasty after mixed with other things. I'm glad he showed no interest in the marshmallow peeps that my friends thought to give him!