8:59 PM - Having put Norah to bed after a rare napless day, Rob and I are perched on the couch, eating mint chocolate chip ice cream and surfing the TV Guide channel.
9:00 PM - Rob gets sly, I-wanna-be-sneaky expression and reaches for the remote. Fearing an attempt at switching to Fox News, I lunge for same remote. Am defeated. The channel is changed to...
9:01 PM - NBC? Maybe L&O? Maybe this isn't so baaa---- ack ack ack. It's Knight Rider.
9:05 PM - Mysterious dangerous-looking fellows, including Stereotypical British Accent Guy (see National Treasure for reference), ravage scientific lab, where undoubtedly serious, globally-significant - and yet, unnamed - experiments are going on.
9:08 PM - First look at the new Kitt, and let me just tell you that those Carl's Jr. ads with Paris Hilton and the soapy car wash weren't as blatantly oversexed. Rob sees the hubcap and starts surreptitiously sweating.
9:09 PM - Kitt revs up and rolls out, after hefty CGI effects moment wherein bullets strike car and magically leave no marks. British Guy and other henchmannish guys growl and say threatening things as Kitt purrs off into the sun(rise? set? I'm not sure). Rob is no longer able to stand up.
9:11 PM - And look! The molecular scientist who is lecturing on some random and probably improbable molecular structure thingy is super extra hot! Now THERE'S a surprise!
9:15 PM - Scene cut, and Oh JESUS. Not only is the hot surfer a cop with a penchant for sunrise showers on the beach, she is also a lesbian with a hot naked blonde in her bed. AND she knows how to cock a pistol, badass-style. (Although, like Ms. Hot Molecular Scientist, she is rather small-breasted. I am surprised, since this movie is geared toward pubescent boys and also men who think like pubescent boys, and so wouldn't you think there would be boobies? Big ones? Rob, however, is not entirely concerned, as DIDN'T YOU SEE IT THAT HOT BLONDE GIRL IN THAT BED WAS SO NAKED RIGHT THERE!)
Side note: hot lesbian cop is apparently played by Sidney Poitier's daughter. Sir must be spittin' nails.
9:21 PM - I stop paying attention and start up computer, preparing to blog-bust Rob for having mislaid his brain, his maturity, and his desire to sleep somewhere other than the couch tonight.
9:27 PM - I look up Knight Rider in IMDB to see if the black guy is Delroy Lindo (he's not - I am relieved). The trivia section has only one fact: "Will Arnett was cast as the voice of KITT, but was replaced because he had done commercial voiceovers for General Motors and the show uses Ford cars, creating a conflict of interest." Although I'm sure I should know who Will Arnett is, I don't, and am surprised to see that they replaced him with Val Kilmer. Am confused - doesn't it kind of seem like, even though he's apparently gone native and moved to God-knows-where and gotten all fat and beardy, Val Kilmer should have been a first choice for a movie part? Poor Iceman.
9:29 PM - Random movie guy (I don't know who he is, I quit paying attention, remember?) listens to random movie girl talking about molecular scientist girl and how awesomely awesome she is at science. Guy responds with "But is she hot?" I throw up a little.
9:oh, the hell with it - I think I have to go to bed before I start growing peach fuzz and my voice cracks a la Peter Brady. See, I can't update my blog more often, because I'm busy watching
crap fine films like this, and feeling my brain cells deplete.
Posted in: on 2/17/2008 at at 9:23 PM