mamapants

Good lord, what a week. Things were not exactly pretty at our house on Monday, when we discovered that we were in fact poor (no, for serious - we had to empty the car change thingie to buy beer). So in my state of panic, I applied for several jobs at UNC and Duke, doing much the same stuff I was doing at my previous jobs.

Every little mouseclick was like a shot with a taser. Thinking about leaving the baby at daycare was killing me - not because I think daycare is bad, as I've worked at one and it was really terrific for socialization and collaborative learning and so on - but because we still don't really know a lot about that sort of thing in this area, and I just knew we'd put her at the one center where they make the kids eat grasshoppers and stand in closets when they're bad. She can't even keep her head on straight, so standing in a closet would just be horrible.

So to battle the overwhelming guilt, I put a babysitting ad on craigslist, offering to take kids at our house. And damn if I didn't get an email two nights ago, asking if I'd be willing to go to someone else's house, where they would just LOVE to see the baby, and they'd LOVE for their kids to spend time with a baby, and they LOVE everything about me, and blah blah blah love blah.

Squeals of joy! Joy joy joy!

We are now back to everyday-glee mode, mostly because of the absolution of the daycare guilt, but also because they are going to pay me fabulous amounts of money to spend three days a week with their angelically beautiful little girls.

I'm becoming more spiritual, I think. Lately, when shit happens, I just keep chanting in my head, "Do something good and earn the right to have something good happen." So I make pie for the neighbors, or I clean out the closet, or I donate some stuff to Goodwill, and life gets better. I dunno, maybe it's just a way to take the shit off my mind while things rearrange themselves into something better, but I really think it might be my karma. Earl would be proud.

Posted in: on 11/04/2005 at at 9:43 AM